the Lord's discipline

This year my husband has led a Bible study in our home over the book of Hebrews. Every week, he faithfully studies the scripture, prepares prestudy questions and pours over commentaries. I have been encouraged by our conversations before, during and after Thursday night Bible study. I am so blessed to see how my husband lets the Word of Christ dwell in him richly.

Now let me backtrack...

Over the years, I have also come to the conclusion that I am very proud and stubborn, while the Lord is extravagantly gracious and patient. When he has something to say to me, He often has to tell me twice, three times or more. For example, I've often been through two studies in John at the same time, two studies in Acts, and this year, my pastor is preaching through the life of David while CBS is also studying the life of David in its "Servants of God" study. I've studied, discussed, and then listened to lectures and sermonds over the same texts. My heart is very hard! But I'm thankful for the piercing power of the Word!

So my big take-away this year from the study of David's life -- the biggest difference between Saul an David wasn't that one was more sinful than the other. They were both sinful men. They were both proud. They both sinned against men and God. And yet the difference - David was a man after God's own heart and was repentant. He trusted in the Lord's mercy and poured out his soul in repentance.

How encouraging for my own legalism-prone soul! The Lord does not love me because of my goodness (which isn't very impressive) but because of His grace and forgiveness. This has been a huge encouragement over the past several months.

So ever since Rodney was diagnosed with Lyme disease last summer, I've had the lingering thought in my head - "Lord, did we make a mistake? Have we sinned against you? Was it wrong to choose to move into this house? Do we measure up?" Rodney started feeling better. We carried on with life. Case closed? No.

Rodney never really felt 100%, which we didn't expect right away since his body had been so buffeted by the disease. But for the past several months, Rodney slowly started experiencing excruciating pain that started in his shoulder, traveled to his elbow and ended up in his hip. Finally, he decided to see a GP and made an appointment with his infectious disease doctor.

Long story short (Hannah just woke up from her nap...), Rodney still has Lyme disease. So on Monday, he is going to begin an aggressive antibiotic treatment that will last a month. They're going to put in a pic line and he'll have to go to the hospital everyday for treatments. He'll have lifestyle restrictions, since he'll have a pic line in. And no, it's not incredibly a convenient time, since I'm due any day with our third baby.

And since Hannah is now awake, I'll quickly bring this full circle back to Hebrews and the Lord's discipline. Last night we studied Hebrews 12, which is truly the Lord! I'm amazed at how he perfectly plans to communicate His perfect Word at the perfect time! As a result, the Lord has given me a lot of peace.

In short (I hear my toddler), sometimes the Lord disciplines us because of sin. We've prayed to God to reveal any sin issues. He hasn't. But sometimes the Lord disicplines us to reveal more of Himself. For example, after Job's succession of trials (far beyond anything I have EVER experienced or can even begin to imagine experiencing), he had a deeper understanding and revelation of God's character and person.

So my prayer for Rodney and myself the next month -- that we would see the Lord more deeply, more fully, and truly love and trust Him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. And at the same time, be sensitive to the Spirit, relying on the Lord in humility.

I'd be lying if I sat here and wrote, "I never worry about the future!" I do! But then the Spirit brings me back to him with some words from Philippians 4:4-7:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.