May 2 - sick mama, sick kids and a faithful God

I've been asking the Lord to renew the joy of my salvation. It's been stagnant waters around here, a going-through-the-motions kind of faith.

So as I do everyday, I opened up my Bible reading plan to I Chronicles 3-5. I'm a "read straight through the Bible" kind of gal. Have you read I Chronicles recently? Nuggets of encouragement are harder to come by. God's faithfulness isn't lost on me though. I see his hand, preserving his people in spite of their sin, in spite of their mess, in spite of their love for self and idolatry. They loved the lie rather than the Giver of Truth and all Good things.

And so I closed my Bible after reading  a couple of chapters, not particularly encouraged. Tired. Sick. Yes, I am sick right now. Ironically, I remember telling my husband a couple of months ago how I have supermom powers; I haven't succumbed to illness. My hubby and the girls have been sick, but not me. No, not me.

Well I'm not super human, and my children are little germ factories.

My baby had hand foot and mouth disease at the end of April.

Rash.

Hacking.

Coughing.

Colds.

And now I have two with ear infections and one with a positive strep test. By the way, I've got the whole aches/pains, on-fire sore throat, and exhaustion. It's no wonder that even my supermom powers were no match for lots of little girls who are NOT experts in covering their coughs, throwing their tissues in the garbage or hand washing. SO MUCH HYGIENE TRAINING needed in this home. Please pray for my children who have a germaphobe for a mother.

And of course my husband is traveling with work. So last night, I found myself lying in bed, unable to stop coughing, and oh so tired and lonely. I opened up my Bible to a favorite spot - Psalms 61-63 - and these words landed in my heart :

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.  - Psalm 63:8

And in my tears and coughing and loneliness, the Lord reminded me to cling to him. And I clung to His promises, rehearsing many of them over in my head. Because in hard things, I need truth.

He's not finished with me. He promises to complete the good work in me. -- philippians 1:6

He will be with me until the end of the age. -- matthew 28:20.

He has granted me all I need for life and godliness. 2 peter 1:3

He who calls me is faithful. He will surely do it. - I thessalonians 5:34

...But he gives more grace. -- james 4:6

I am so thankful for this abundant grace because I'm still coughing. My husband is still gone. My daughter's ear still aches. My babies still need so much of me, often more than I seem to have. My patience is almost always in short supply. I need more: "Quick to listen. Slow to speak. And slow to become angry in my life."

And in my weakness and frailty I'm brought back to 2 Corinthians 12:9:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

And the Lord DID show me his grace - through His Word, through the kindness and patience of the nurses and doctors, in a friend who brought us dinner and sat with my girls while I ran an errand, in the pharmacist who took the time to help me find the right medicine that would be best for me and my baby, and through the messages and prayers of so many who love me and intercede on my behalf.

So. Much. Grace.

Sometimes I want to make myself an island. To my selfish, introverted, sometimes too-private heart this feels easy. But being a part of the Body of Christ is oh so much better. Always.

And so I'm coughing as I type this, drinking some herbal tea, waiting for my kids to finally fall asleep so I can go to sleep and most of all - thankful. I am thankful for a renewed joy of my salvation.

It is good to serve a Father who listens and answers our prayers.